i already hear my dad disowning me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
