May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
