did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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