if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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