I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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