I hate all girls vehemently.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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