I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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