my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
