I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
