Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
