Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
