Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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