my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
