so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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