just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
