after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
