Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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