You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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