I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize