Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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