First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
