don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
