In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
