I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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