umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
