I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Randomize