What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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