i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
