i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
