I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
