I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
