...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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