Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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