How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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