just tell him i said nine months
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
