Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
