I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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