Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
