We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
