Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
