pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
