i just sent this text using only my big toe
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
