it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
