Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
