but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
