listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just pee around me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
