whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
