i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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