when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
