Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
