I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
