And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
