he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
