Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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