Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
