Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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