it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
