Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
