too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We left the knife in your bed.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
