Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
