Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
