It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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