When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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