Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
