I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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