I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I just pynch a tree in the face
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just found puke in my bra..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
