Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Randomize
