Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize