oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
