I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
