Someone shit on the floor
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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