maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
