i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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