How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
