Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
