Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
