I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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