I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I see more hoeing in ur future
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