Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
