Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
