the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
