I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
