Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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