so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
