Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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