Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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