I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think people are normalizing furries
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
